


Starry Highways

by TheSunshineDragon



Series: Ash & Oak & Thorn [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Curses, Driving, Elves, Fae & Fairies, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am so sorry, I'm making this up as I go, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Medical Inaccuracies, Mentioned ATEEZ Ensemble, Road Trips, Sick Character, You might want to bring Tissues, don't want to tag too much because of possible spoilers, i can't remember the other tags i wanted to add, lots of driving
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29375007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSunshineDragon/pseuds/TheSunshineDragon
Summary: With Hyunjin sick and dying from magic poisoning after an attack on their home, Chan and Company are forced to go on a road trip in search of a cure, hopefully finding it before it's too late.
Series: Ash & Oak & Thorn [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2137509
Comments: 51
Kudos: 33





	1. The La Mala Hora Diner

Minho yawned, rubbing his eyes with one hand. He shook his head, glancing in the rearview mirror at the backseat passengers. Changbin, Seungmin, and Jeongin were like a row of dominos that had collapsed. Jeongin had somehow managed to cram a pillow between him and Seungmin and was the only one of trio that had a blanket. In the last row of seats Felix was draped over Han, who has leaning against the window, bucket hat pulled low over his eyes, someone’s blanket covering both of them.

And then there was the person who was the entire reason Minho was driving at stupid o’clock in the middle of nowhere in Southwest America.

Hyunjin was leaning against the window across from Han and Felix, the fever patches on his forehead and neck, placed in an attempt to help tame the raging inferno his body had created, making him look ghostly. His breathing was labored, his face scrunched in pain. He was twitching, hands pulling the blankets around him up and down as he tried to get comfortable as he slept fitfully. 

“Do you want me to drive?”

Minho started a little, Chan’s quiet voice from the passenger seat lurching him out of his thoughts.

“No, I’m good for right now. Did you sleep?”

Chan shook his head ‘no’, carefully straightening the back of the seat as he sat up, the gears clicking as it rose into sitting position. He stretched as best he could, his feet tapping the dash slightly before he relaxed, crossing his arms as he aimlessly watched the dark road.

“You need to sleep at some point, Chan.”

“I know.” The young man ran his hands through his curly hair with a yawn, then pulled out the map, turning on his penlight as he looked at it. Minho rolled his eyes but didn’t press on the issue. It wasn’t like Chan could control his insomnia anyways.

They passed an exit sign that advertised a 24-hour diner in two miles and Minho had the sudden realization that they hadn’t eaten since they’d left the hotel that evening.

“There’s a diner at the next exit. Do you want to stop?”

Chan clicked the penlight off. “Might as well. We won’t get to the next hotel for another several hours, if I’m reading the map correctly.”

~~~

The diner was very old, the shiny vintage outside glinting faintly under the full moon and neon lights. Chan stepped out of the van and stretched as far as he could, pausing when he felt the tingling of foreign magic in the air. He frowned, unable to tell if the magic was friendly or not, something hovering underneath the surface that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

He popped his head back into the car. “Minho, do you feel that?”

Minho paused as he was pocketing the keys, halfway out of the van, frowning. “Yeah, I do.”

“Everyone stay in the van until we figure out what’s going on, alright?” Chan directed the statement at the twins, who were only ones awake and coherent enough, nodding at Chan’s command. Shutting the doors, him and Minho approached the diner with cautious steps.

~~~

“What’s going on?” Hyunjin mumbled, stirring slightly as Felix began removing the fever patches from his face to replace them with fresh ones while they waited for Minho and Chan to come back.

“Chan and Minho are checking something out,” Felix replied. His hands faintly glowed as they hovered over Hyunjin’s face, then flickered and stopped glowing completely. “Crap, I still can’t use my magic to help him.”

“I don’t if it’s a good idea to try, Felix,” Seungmin said nervously, having woken up completely, leaning over the still sleeping Changbin to look out the windows. “Something’s not right about this place. Can’t you feel it?”

Minho and Chan suddenly came running out of the diner and towards the van, frantically climbing in and slamming the doors hard enough to wake up the rest of the sleepers, Minho throwing the gear shifter into reverse and backing out as fast as he could as soon as the engine started. Something hit the windshield and bounced off, leaving a crack, causing Minho to hiss like a cat, as he swerved wildly into the driving gear and flew down the road.  
  
“What the heck is going on?!” Han shouted, hands flailing and grabbing onto the seat in front of him to keep from being flung around. Felix was holding tightly onto Hyunjin and trying to brace himself at the same time, his head almost hitting the elder’s as they bounced down the road.

“Questions later!” Chan yelled, pulling out his gun from the duffle bag at his feet. He looked out the window, then rolled it down, sticking his shoulders and arms out and twisting around to take a shot at whatever was chasing them. Han risked a look out the back window, only to see a dark blob chasing after them. Something about it made the hair on his neck stand up, a shudder run down his spine. He turned back around, grip tightening on the seat.

“Going left!” Minho yelled at Chan, jerking the wheel in the intended direction.

  
“Stars above, get us on the highway!”

“What do you think I’m doing?!”

Chan fired a couple more rounds and was finally rewarded with a horrible screeching right as they took the decrepit exit onto the highway, leaving the black blob behind. He ducked back into the van after making sure they weren’t being followed, rolling the window up with a sigh. “Well, at least we know the guns work,” Chan said dryly, turning around in his seat to look back at the rest. “Is everyone okay?”

“What was that?” Felix asked, shakily, still holding tightly onto a half-conscious Hyunjin.

“La Mala Hora,” Minho said grimly, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. The speedometer was hovering at the one-hundred mark, but it was ignored and would be until daylight started peeking over the horizon.

“Out here?”

Chan turned his attention to Seungmin, who was hugging the blanket covered lump that was Jeongin, looking slightly curious, but mostly scared with the sudden awakening and subsequent wild driving. 

Jeongin had thrown the blanket over his head when the shooting had started. Chan was sure the youngest had also covered his ears, head ducked as if he was trying to cover himself.

Jeongin hadn’t done well with anything gun-related since the World Wars.

Chan turned his attention back to Seungmin. Jeongin would be fine in a few minutes, he just needed some time. “Yeah, out here. The diner was a trap, probably to lure tourists and travelers.”

Changbin, once hearing what the danger had been, mumbled something vaguely reminiscent of a “Fantastic,” curling up again on his seat and plonking his head back against the window, immediately falling asleep again. Chan couldn’t blame their earth magic wielder; their last battle had taken a lot out of all of them.

Especially Hyunjin. Speaking of…

“How’s Hyunjin?” Chan directed his attention towards the Back Back Row (as it had been decades ago).

Hyunjin blinked at Chan, eyes unfocused. “Not so good,” he said quietly, words slurring together. “I feel like I’m in an oven, slowly roasting in my own skin….tired…weak…”

“Go back to sleep, then, mate,” Felix said gently before Chan could, helping Hyunjin settle back against the cool window, making sure the fever patches were still sticking to the elf’s sweaty skin.

Chan looked over his family again once more, before turning back around to face the front. Seungmin had Jeongin peeking out from under the blanket, Changbin was fast asleep, Felix had Hyunjin, and Han would probably talk with him later if he felt the need. Chan glanced over at Minho out of the corner of his eye, noting that the fairy’s markings were glowing slightly, and he was still gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles.

“You okay?” Chan asked in a whisper, to keep the others from hearing.

Minho suddenly took a deep breath and relaxed, hands relinquishing their grip for a lighter hold. “Yeah, it just scared me…Took me off guard, really.” He was quiet for a moment, then nodded, almost to himself. “I’ll be fine, especially once we get to the next town. Have I mentioned I hate driving through the Southwest at night?”

“Multiple times.”

“The only good thing about driving this late and in the middle of nowhere is that you can go at whatever speed you see fit,” Han piped up, mischief in his voice. “Actually, how fast are you going right now?”

Chan felt the van speed up a tad. “Han, don’t tempt him.”

“He’s not tempting me,” Minho said defensively, but Chan felt the van slow down to a more reasonable thirty over the actual speed limit (okay, so yes, they were breaking the law, but they were _literally_ in the middle of nowhere, it was the witching hour, and Hyunjin needed help. No cops, no ticket, no penalty. Besides, Minho was a good driver, Chan knew he was a law-abiding citizen in regular driving circumstances…). 

The two ended up leaving the argument at that and the van dropped into silence except for the occasional cough from Hyunjin or murmured conversation.

“We really can’t get to California fast enough,” Chan said under his breath, curling up in his own seat to see if he would fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> La Mala Hora is a New Mexico legend/urban story. Quite freaky, really, and I glossed over that part because I wrote this in the middle of the night and was keen on trying to sleep after I wrote this. 
> 
> Ummm...yeah. Not sure where this is going. This story is actually the original start to this series and I got the idea for it late one night heading home from work during the holidays and here we are. 
> 
> Anyways, yeah, I'm legitimately sleep deprived and mega stressed out with college and life so if you'll excuse me while I go pass out for a few hours and hopefully get my pile of homework done in time this weekend...
> 
> Have a fabulous day!


	2. Death Warmed Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna update the tags because *medical inaccuracies*, but be warned, there's mentions of vomiting and vomit in this. Nothing graphic, but just fair warning. 
> 
> I also wrote this in a couple of hours, so yeah, idk how the writing is or what errors there are, sorry guys XD

He felt like death warmed over.

At least, that’s what Han had been saying he looked like for the last couple of weeks.

Hyunjin managed to roll over onto his side, the bed sheets tangling him further into immobility, still half asleep and feeling like he was roasting in a fire from the fever. He cracked his eyes open to see Jeongin in the bed across from him, sound asleep, Changbin sitting up next to their youngest, leaning against the headboard, reading a book, the pages dog-eared and tearing from the repeated readings (Hyunjin was pretty sure the book was almost a century old. How it was still intact was beyond him). Bleary eyes slowly roamed around the room to find Felix and Seungmin squished together on a roll-away bed, limbs hopelessly tangled together, also sound asleep. Minho was perched in a chair, staring out the window, which meant that Chan and Han were behind him somewhere.

He vaguely remembered the drive from the diner that had been inhabited by the La Mala Hora and the drive across some seemingly never-ending desert, but the memories were fuzzy at best, non-existent at worst. There might have been a fast food place that served chicken involved in there somewhere, maybe a gas station, but he wasn’t really sure.

A wave of nausea suddenly hit Hyunjin (whether it was from the thought of the fast food place or not, he didn’t know), making his stomach roll and rumble uncomfortably. Before his mind could catch up with what was happening, a trash can was shoved under his chin and his hair was being held back.

The world came back into focus as the trash can suddenly disappeared from his vision, the contents of his stomach with it. Hyunjin slumped against whoever was holding him up (apparently he had been dragged upright at some point, but he didn’t care what position he was in as long as he wasn’t throwing up and the world wasn’t spinning), exhausted and trying to catch his breath. Felix suddenly appeared in front of him, his body language radiating concern as he began peeling something off of Hyunjin’s face and patting it down with a cool, damp washcloth.

“I hate this,” Hyunjin murmured, relaxing under Felix’s administrations as everything slowed down and he was able to focus.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Felix replied, opening what had to be the hundredth box of fever patches.

Hyunjin grimaced at the sight of the things. “Can we leave off on those for a bit? My skin feels like it hasn’t breathed in _forever_.”

There was a quiet chuckle right by his ear and Hyunjin finally realized that Han was the one holding him up, hair still held back in one hand. “Still concerned about your looks in this state, eh?”

If Hyunjin had had the energy, Han would’ve been yelling and hollering from being tackled to the floor for the jab about Hyunjin’s concern over his skin, but for now he had to settle for the shriek of indigitation that came from pinching the younger’s hand.

Felix hadn’t commented on the request, just nodded and set the box down, moving away once he was sure Hyunjin as comfortable as possible, leaving the elf to deal with Han’s dramatics over being pinched. He curled up in the stiff, old chair that was by the window, wings drooping as he watched the room from a distance. Changbin, Seungmin, and Jeongin had gathered around the bed to watch Hyunjin and Han, and Minho and Chan were still in the bathroom taking care of the mess.

The thought crossed Felix’s mind that they wouldn’t all be here, in this cheap old hotel room, just on the Nevada-Arizona border, if had only he’d been able to heal Hyunjin. Hyunjin wouldn’t be sick, much less _dying,_ if it wasn’t for his lack of healing magic skills.

He sunk further in the chair, wings pressed against his back.

_This is all my fault_.

~~~

Chan stared at the toilet as it flushed. The trash can had been rinsed out and was drying in the bathtub upside down until its next use…which hopefully wouldn’t come again, but who knew at this point.

He knew Minho was standing in the doorway, waiting for him to talk.

Chan didn’t want to talk about it. In fact, he didn’t want to talk about _any_ of it. But it weighed heavily on his mind.

“Hyunjin’s…” Chan swallowed thickly. “There was…blood, Minho. _Blood_.”

“I know. I saw.” Minho stepped further into the bathroom, close enough for them to talk quietly without those outside the bedroom hearing, but not so close as to make it feel crowded.

Chan rubbed his forehead with a sigh. “What are we going to do? We’re not moving fast enough, nothing Felix has tried is working, Hyunjin’s getting worse by the _day_ , I don’t know what to do and I feel so _useless_ …”

Arms wrapping around Chan’s shoulders, stopping him midway in his spiral.

“We’re doing the best we can, Chan. _You_ are doing the best you can with what you have.”

“But Hyunjin’s possibly _dying_ and I can’t fix it,” Chan said bitterly.

“Chan.” Minho unwrapped his arms from around his leader and turned the elder around so he was facing him. “You’re not leaving Hyunjin on the side of the road to die. You have a plan, which is to get him to _Hongjoong,_ who has resources _we don’t,_ so that Hyunjin can stay _alive_ and with us. You can’t control how his poisoning progresses, that’s just an unrealistic expectation of yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you have. You’re doing _fine_.”

Chan smiled a little. “You said that already.”

“It seemed worth repeating,” Minho deadpanned. “Look, we’re only a couple days out from Hongjoong’s place. Unless the poison decides to take a wild turn, I think Hyunjin will still be around until then.”

Chan heaved a sighed and some of the tension leaked out of his shoulders. “Okay. Okay. I’m doing this.”

“Yes you are,” Minho clapped Chan’s shoulder. “Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, now can we please get out of here, it stinks.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how you use that meme, Min.”

“I’ll meme as I wish, thank you very much.”

“Don’t let the kids hear that or you’ll get roasted.”

“No one’s eaten tissues lately…”

“Minho!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at writing emotions and serious situations XD My default in any serious situation is to make a joke or laugh and it isn't always helpful :P 
> 
> But, um, yeah, a little more of a reveal as to where the gang is headed. I still don't know exactly where this is headed. That's what I get for not planning this out (which honestly, is kind of fun, unlike another au of mine I could speak of *glares at Healer's Cottage*)
> 
> In other news, I recently discovered Taemin's solo music and while I haven't gotten far, I'm hooked (thanks, SuperM, for introducing me to this guy XD). Strangers in particular is hitting a very personal cord with me and where I'm at right now with some life things, but anyways, enough of my emotions regarding meaningful and deep lyrics :P
> 
> Trying not to fail college, stressed out, sleep's still a mess, the usual news. Had another story idea while watching Renjun's (NCT) Relay Cam that involves a lot of philosophical stuff and art and the like (my brain's weird when it comes to ideas, okay), hopefully want to get that one written and out sometime in the summer, but again, lots of thinking and complicated things, have I mentioned how college is trying to murder me atm? XD SKZ's Code series has also given me an idea for another SKZ AU...I think in the last several months I've had ideas for over a dozen fics and a couple series and let's just say it's driving me crazy because I don't have time to write them or plan them out, unless it's something quick like this and it's short. Hopefully in a few weeks I can write more, but idk guys...
> 
> Anyways, hope everyone's doing well and staying hydrated and fed. The only tidbit of wisdomous wisdom I have is that Better Days by SuperM has been a real encouragement of late for me. 
> 
> Peace out, mah bros *throws a peace sign*
> 
> Have a fabulous day!


	3. There's More Driving, Guys!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author is getting sarcastically sassy with her titles and Travelling Inaccuracies should (probably) be a tag :P

Changbin sat shotgun the next leg of the journey, falling asleep despite his best efforts as he watched the miles of night covered landscape go by, Seungmin driving the van steadily through it on the old road. If anyone asked, it was to give Chan and Minho a break from staring at the road for hours on end, but it was actually all part of the master plan to try and get Chan to sleep, if he could. The last several hundred years had given the gang plenty of time to figure out when Chan’s curse was acting up and legitimately not letting him sleep, and when Chan wasn’t letting himself sleep. This time, it happened to be the latter.

The elaborate plan had involved Han pickpocketing the van keys from their unsuspecting moon fairy, handing them off to Seungmin, and then Seungmin, Changbin, and Jeongin wrestling the two eldest into the middle row of seats once Han, Hyunjin, and Felix were situated in the Back Back Row.

A brawl had nearly erupted in the back parking lot of the hotel when the plan was put into action, Chan obviously not thrilled about the idea and putting up a fight about it (almost literally), but once Minho had realized what they were up to, he had immediately joined in and that had been the end of it (Changbin had questioned Seungmin later why they couldn’t have just asked Minho for the keys, to which the response was “Chan has the ears of an elephant and if he even catches a _whiff_ of a plan regarding his wellbeing, he throws a fit, and Minho’s bad with springing plans too early unless he’s the one planning it.” Changbin hadn’t been able to argue with that logic.).

Seungmin pushed his slipping glasses further up his nose and glanced in the rearview mirror at his passengers. Chan was laying across Jeongin, both covered with blankets and looking asleep, though Seungmin suspected Jeongin was the only one sleeping, the younger’s head resting on Minho’s shoulder, blue hair everywhere, face completely relaxed. Minho was staring out the window, watching the dimly lit landscape go by. It was a full moon and whether he could help it or not, Minho’s markings were glowing faintly from his magic as it soaked up its life source freely.

Looking further back, Han and Felix were both definitely asleep. Han’s mouth was hanging open and Seungmin desperately wished he could get a picture for future use, but alas, fate had other ideas, like him being a responsible driver and not wanting to wake Changbin. Oddly though, Felix’s usually visible wings were folded and tucked behind him against the back of the seat, nearly hidden from sight. Seungmin frowned and resolved to ask him about it later, something about the curled up position of their sun fairy bothering him, turning his attention to the last passenger, after glancing at the road to make sure he was still going in a straight line and not driving them all into the ditch that ran alongside the road.

Surprisingly, Hyunjin was awake, staring ahead into space, but his eyes were glazed over and glassy. From the lack of sleep or the fever, Seungmin wasn’t sure, but it was a change from the last several days of almost near solid sleep that the elf had been going through.

“Minho,” Seungmin whispered. “Minho!”

Minho snapped his head towards Seungmin, raising a questioning eyebrow.

Seungmin nodded his head back towards the back and Minho carefully turned around, mindful of their sleeping youngest, and raised both eyebrows when he saw Hyunjin. Seungmin was too far forward in the van, being the driver and all, to ask Hyunjin how he was doing, so Minho was the next best option, being closer. 

“Hey, Hyunjin, how are you feeling?” Minho whispered the question at the elf, almost inaudibly to Seungmin, who turned his focus on back on the road, peeking at the interaction through the rearview mirror.

For a second, the lack of response had Minho worried that Hyunjin was going deaf, but the elf slowly turned his head towards the fairy, frowning as he processed the question.

“Better? I don’t know…I don’t feel as hot anymore,” Hyunjin mumbled, sluggishly bringing a hand up to his face to rub his eyes, long hair tumbling over his shoulders as he leaned forward, too weak to keep himself completely upright. “Just tired…and I feel like I got beat-up by a dwarf.”

“Well, that’s…good,” Minho said hesitantly, quickly snuffing out the spark of hope that flickered in his chest. He didn’t want to have a premature celebration of Hyunjin’s recovery. Poisons were tricky, especially unknown ones. Things could easily look like they were getting better before going to heck two seconds later.

And he would know that.

Personally.

“Try to get some sleep and see if you feel better when you wake up, okay?”

Hyunjin nodded faintly and all but collapsed against the side of the van, moderately successful in shoving a pillow between his head and the window. His eyes quickly slipped shut and Minho watched his breathing even out as the elf fell asleep.

“How is he?”

Minho looked down to see Jeongin looking at him from his shoulder, eyes still heavy with sleep.

“He’s fine, go back to sleep, alright?”

Jeongin nodded and plopped his head into Minho’s lap, ignoring the elder’s quiet sounds of protest for the land of dreams that awaited him.

Grumbling under his breath about the violations of his personal space (it wasn’t free real estate, thank you very much), Minho looked back again, staring at Hyunjin for a long time before trying to go to sleep himself, uneasiness settling in his heart.

(He missed Felix opening his eyes as soon as he turned around, the faint glow coming from the younger’s hands as he tried to use his magic _again_ on Hyunjin, and the look of despair and desperation when it flickered and died out.)

~~~

They switched drivers sometime around dawn at an ancient gas station in the middle of nowhere, Changbin taking the wheel while Seungmin slept most of the morning, waking up a few hours later when they stopped again for gas and food in the early afternoon. Chan was hoping to get them to Hongjoong’s before by the end of the day and not spend another night in a cheap hotel, the more important reason being getting Hyunjin help faster.

Hyunjin had woken up sometime mid-morning, feeling marginally better, but still exhausted. He’d been able to eat a handful of crackers and drink half a bottle of water before his stomach started cramping a bit at the sustenance and he had stopped at that point, not wanting to risk another vomiting episode, especially in the cramped space. Felix had had another go at seeing if his magic would work (to what end, Hyunjin had wondered, since it hadn’t worked so many times before), with Han providing an extra boost for the tired sun fairy, but after a few unsuccessful attempts, they had been forced to give up.

“At least you’re feeling better,” Felix had said to Hyunjin, blinking away the handful of black spots that had dotted his vision for a minute. But he shoved the incident aside, chalking it up as lack of sleep. The focus was on Hyunjin anyways, not him, he wasn’t the sick one.

Hyunjin had hummed in agreement, watching the others as they messed around, moods hesitantly bolstered by his apparent turn for the better. He winced slightly as his stomach flipped painfully again, shifting to try to get more comfortable.

“We’re still going to Hongjoong’s,” Chan had declared from the driver’s seat, having claimed it back after a battle of rock, papers, scissors with Minho. “I want to make sure you’re alright and not suddenly going to keel over on us.”

Hyunjin had laughed at that, making everyone smile.

“I’ve lived this long, I’m sure I’ll make it another few hundred years.”

“Oh, stars above, I hope not,” Seungmin had muttered, making everyone laugh as Hyunjin spluttered in indignation.

The drive had gone comfortably for another couple of hours, Hyunjin falling asleep again, unable to keep his eyes open, despite the ferocious card game that Changbin, Seungmin, and Han had going in the middle row, Felix and Jeongin providing commentary from the back row.

They were entering the city limits of where Hongjoong and his group lived when Felix checked on their sleeping beauty, Seungmin dealing another round of cards. The elf had been sleeping rather quietly for awhile and he was looking paler than usual, but he’d been pretty pale the entire time he’d been sick and the trip, so it didn’t strike Felix unusual that Hyunjin was looking as pale as a ghost.

“Hey, Hyunjin, do you want to wake up and eat something?” Felix gently shook Hyunjin to rouse him, but he didn’t make any move to rise. “Hyunjin?”

Dread pooled into Felix’s stomach as he shook Hyunjin a little harder, the elf’s eyelids not budging. “Hyunjin, wake up, this isn’t funny.”

“What’s going on?” Chan asked, looking back through the rearview mirror. “Is everything okay?”

Seungmin stopped dealing the cards, all three turning around to see what was going on.

“I don’t know, he’s not waking up,” Felix said, trying to keep his growing panic in control.

“Is he still breathing?” Minho asked, only half joking and earning himself a slap on the shoulder from Han.

Felix unbuckled his seatbelt, any thoughts of safety going out the window over his concern for Hyunjin, leaning over to put his ear closer to Hyunjin’s mouth to see if he was still breathing. Panic and fear growing, he looked for a pulse, Hyunjin’s breathing so faint Felix wasn’t sure he was still breathing.

“Felix, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know! He’s barely breathing and I can’t find his pulse!” 

“Check again!”

All eyes were on Felix as he checked again and again for a pulse and for breathing, even going so far to shake Hyunjin again to see if he would rouse that way.

For one heart-stopping second, Felix thought he was successful, the elf opening his eyes a sliver, before they rolled back and he went completely limp, crushing any hope that remained.

“HYUNJIN!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sing it with me, everyone!
> 
> CLIFFHANGER,
> 
> HANGING FROM A CLIFF,
> 
> AND THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED A CLIFFHANGER!
> 
> :P


	4. Is He Dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t pick my wisdom from the stars, but I think I understand astronomy, although not to predict good or bad luck, or plagues and famines or what the seasons will be like. Nor can I tell fortunes, showing individuals their own moods and their ups and downs, nor tell rulers whether things will go well by frequent predictions from what I see in the heavens..." William Shakespeare, Sonnet 14
> 
> This wasn't proofread beforehand, sorry for any errors or confusion.

Chan didn't know who had screamed Hyunjin's name. But it had terrified him and he floored it as he drove through the streets, going as far over the speed limit as he dared.

It was absolute chaos in the back seats. Felix was trying to resuscitate Hyunjin, but the cramped seats were preventing him from doing it properly, forcing him to stop trying so that further injuries didn't occur. He had fully engaged whatever scraps of his magic were left after the last several weeks of constant use, ignoring the headache that was forming, the black spots dancing in clusters across his eyes, and Han’s protests at the action.

Consequences be screwed, Hyunjin was dying and if using every last scrap of magic Felix had in his body meant saving his friend, so be it.

"How far are we from Hongjoong's?" Minho asked, gripping his seat as Chan swerved around a corner and had to overcompensate, wrenching the wheel back and forth, making the van swing wildly before straightening out.

"Minutes," Chan said through gritted teeth. They passed the city limits sign on the other side of the town and after they made a turn and hit a graded dirt road, Chan floored the gas, going well over the suggested twenty-five miles per hour.

They suddenly burst through the foliage into a clearing with a large house. Chan slammed his hand on the horn, making the thing blare alarmingly across the clearing, effectively announcing their arrival. Two figures ran out of the house onto the deck to see what the commotion was, running down the steps when the van was recognized, waving excitedly.

Chan only wished it was under better circumstances they were meeting again.

~~~

The sound of a horn honking on their relatively quiet property startled Seonghwa from his reading, Hongjoong peeking around the doorframe of the kitchen to see what the commotion was about.

The duo frowned and looked at each other, going over to the front window to see who was intruding, both habitually going for their respective weapons, which rested in an umbrella stand beside the door.

Hongjoong instantly recognized the faded red and black paint job of the old van that was going at a breakneck speed across their yard.

“It’s Chan!”

“Why is he going so fast, though?” Seonghwa wondered aloud as they ran out the front door onto the deck and down the stairs to greet their unexpected visitors, waving excitedly in greeting.

“I don’t…” the words died on Hongjoong’s lips as the van stopped and their friends tumbled out of the van, carefully dragging a limp Hyunjin out of the back seat and lying him on his back in the small patch of grass that had insisted on growing, despite Yeosang’s best efforts to kill it.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong jumped into action immediately, not needing words to convey the serious of the situation they were seeing. 

They sprinted over, Seonghwa sliding on his knees the last couple of inches to come resting next to Hyunjin.

“What happened?” He demanded, immediately checking for Hyunjin’s pulse, concern growing when he couldn’t find it.

“Some kind of magic poisoning,” Felix answered frantically, hands overing unsurely over Hyunjin, as if he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do (or could do). “We got attacked by a rouge familiar a few weeks ago and Hyunjin got hit by some magic blast from the creature and just got worse as time went on.”

“Symptoms?”

“Fever, vomiting, exhaustion,” someone else listed.

No heartbeat and hardly any breathing from the elf.

Seonghwa started chest compressions, plying his magic to see if Hyunjin’s was still around.

“He seemed like he was getting better earlier today, but then he fell asleep and didn’t wake up, and…” Felix trailed off, having backed off when Seonghwa started chest compressions to give the older space to work. 

  
  
“How long as he been like this?”

“Don’t know, we discovered him like this maybe fifteen minutes ago?”

Seonghwa’s face turned grim. Hyunjin’s magic was faintly flickering like a small flame. One small puff of air and it would be gone.

“I haven’t been able to use my healing magic on him at all, especially once he got worse” Felix said quietly, wings drooping so low that the tips rested on the ground. 

“It’s why we came to see you guys,” Chan said, resting a hand of Felix’s shoulder, as if he was trying to give comfort he couldn’t in full at the moment.

“Do you want me to get Yeosang?” Hongjoong asked, hovering worriedly behind Chan.

Seonghwa stopped his chest compressions and listened for a heartbeat, still unable to find one. “Get the silver box, Hongjoong.” Hongjoong nodded, running as fast as he could into the house.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to inject Hyunjin with adrenaline and do CPR again. It _should_ start his heart up again, but…” Seonghwa trailed off, uncertain. It was their only option and if this didn’t work...

He left the thought hanging. “You amplify magic, right?” He turned to look at Han, who nodded in response, Changbin moving so that Han could crouch next to Seonghwa and Hyunjin’s body.

“Okay, while I work on getting his heart started again, I need you to coax his magic back. If we can get both going, it increases his chances of living.”

Hongjoong came running back out of the house, holding a small silver box in his hands, Seonghwa grabbing it out of his hands as soon as he was close enough.

Seonghwa instructed Han on what to do as he quickly prepped the needle.

“Okay, here goes nothing.”

~~~

Hyunjin wasn’t sure where he was, standing in an unknown field of grass and wildflowers, the wind whipping around him and tangling his hair.

The last thing he remembered was falling asleep to his family’s laughter as Changbin, Han, and Seungmin played some ridiculous card game in the middle seats, feeling content and happy despite the state of his health.

Things had been dark for awhile, their voices going in and out until they had faded completely, and Hyunjin had been left alone to the quietness of his sleep.

Later, he would vaguely recall how he had dreamed of different pieces of his life, the memories flitting across the backs of his eyelids like autumn leaves in the wind. One memory in particular stuck with him for awhile afterwards.

Hyunjin and Seungmin had been somewhere in Europe, deep behind enemy lines, part of a war they really had no business being in in the first place, but were unfortunately forced into, separated from the rest of their small family at the time. It had been deep in the night, in a meadow that had been absolutely _alive_ with tiny magic creatures, older and more ancient than Seungmin had ever studied, names forgotten to time. They had been welcoming, but distant, fine with the two larger magic-wielders taking a rest in the fragrant grass and flowers.

The stars had stretched out in an amazing dome, too many for Hyunjin to count, too many for Seungmin to name exact constellations.

Something about the scene had caused Seungmin to spout a piece of poetry, one of Shakespeare’s sonnets. Hyunjin had laughed and teased Seungmin for the sudden serious, before asking what the meaning was behind the Sonnet. The discussion had lasted a long time, the two friends content to stay in the meadow, hidden away from the warring world and its problems.

“I’ve always thought of the galaxies as some kind of starry highway,” Hyunjin had blurted out, making Seungmin snort.

“No, really,” the elf had insisted, sitting up from where he had been lying down in the grass to look at Seungmin. “If you think about it, it makes sense, the way things rotate and move and travel in space.”

“At least from the little we know,” Seungmin had responded, finding Hyunjin’s simplistic view of how galaxies funny and endearing at the same time.

“Maybe we’ll get up there some day in the future and explore unknown worlds,” Hyunjin had mused, lying back down, using his backpack as a pillow.

“Maybe.”

But wherever Hyunjin was now, in this meadow he couldn’t recall ever seeing in his life, with no one around him, except for the wind, was definitely not like the one him and Seungmin had spent the night in. Curiosity as to where he was overrode any caution he had and he took a step, then another, until he was running as fast as he could.

He ran and ran and eventually forgot about the lack of people, didn’t notice how he wasn’t having to stop to breathe after running so hard…

Didn’t hear someone frantically calling his name in the distance.

Until he ran, almost literally, into a stone wall.

He tripped to a stop at the sight in front of him.

There was a gate in the stone wall, with a little house standing just to the side of it. An ancient fairy sat on the house’s porch in a rocking chair, slowly rocking back and forth, sparkling brown eyes observing Hyunjin.

“Hello,” Hyunjin said, shifting his weight from side to side, not sure what else to do.

“I see you’ve arrived, Hwang Hyunjin.” The ancient fairy said the words quietly, but there was the shivering of a deep power underlying them.

Suddenly, everything crashed down on Hyunjin and he realized where he was.

It really was like the stories he’d grown up with as an elfling.

The Lands Between.

“Am I…” Hyunjin hesitated.

“Dead? Not yet, but you’re close.” The ancient fairy took a draw on the pipe he was smoking, slowly blowing it out into a ring that drifted off in the wind. “Just a simple step through the gate is all it would take.”

Hyunjin crossed the distance between him and the gate before he knew what he was doing, hand reaching for the latch.

“Wait…am I being given a choice?” Hyunjin turned around, frowning.

“Oh, you’re quite the perceptive one,” the ancient fairy chuckled. “Most would just walk through the gate without giving it a second thought, much less a first. Yes, you’re being given a choice.”

“Why?”

The ancient fairy took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, before leaning forward and tapping out his pipe in a bucket next to him. “You’re still young. The circumstances surrounding your most recent near-death experience aren’t entirely justifiable for an instant ‘Get out of life free’ pass, like most.”

“That makes…no sense.”

“Look, kid, I don’t make the rules, I’m just the gatekeeper. That kind of thinking is above my pay grade,” the fairy said dryly, tamping a wad of something was into the pipe and lighting it with a match that appeared out of nowhere. “So what’ll it be? Once you touch that latch, you can’t go back.”

Hyunjin looked back at the gate and the fields beyond it, seeing others roaming freely among their depths.

“Take your time, there’s no rush. You’re not dead yet.”

_Yet_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "...But I get my knowledge from your eyes, and as they are constant stars, I’m able to predict that truth and beauty will thrive together if you would turn your attention from yourself to the reproduction of yourself; otherwise, this is my prediction for you: your death will be the final end of truth and beauty." William Shakespeare, Sonnet 14
> 
> The sonnet I've quoted was "translated" into modern english, hence its easy readability :P 
> 
> So originally I was going to have Seonghwa zap Hyunjin with electricity as if he was using his storm magic as a makeshift defibrillator, but after some research out of curiosity to see if one can actually start a heart with defibrillator, it turns out what they show us in the movies and tv is /very/ inaccurate. 
> 
> The best way I can describe it is that a defibrillator is actually used to calm a heart from a highly erratic beating pattern that is causing the patient problems (this explanation isn't exactly accurate, but it's got the essence of it), however, this doesn't apply to heart attacks/arrests because that involves a clogging of the veins and arteries and can actually make the situation /worse/ than better. Somehow our hearts use electricity to beat and if they're aren't beating, a defibrillator won't work because there's no electric waves to shock the heart. From what I read, if there's no heartbeat, your best bet of restarting a heart is CPR and a shot of adrenaline, not zapping the body with jolts of electricity. 
> 
> Please do not take this information as solid medical facts that can be used in a real emergency situation. I am in no way a licensed medical professional and I know my explanation is not perfectly accurate, as I am intending to summarize the information I found, and how I wrote that in here is a modification of it as this is a work of fiction and there's a dash of magic involved. 
> 
> Sorry for all of the angst and suspense I've been putting you readers through. I have no idea how much further this will continue on XD Hopefully things will get better quickly, but you know, when you don't plan things out, they can kind of get out of hand (like the four chapters I've written in one week for this XD). 
> 
> Have a fabulous day and thanks for reading!


	5. I Don't Want to Accept It, It's Hard to Understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went into a totally different direction that I thought it was going to when I started writing it and I...
> 
> I am so, so sorry.

Felix did not feel good.

As much as he was trying to focus on Hyunjin and not his own feelings and aches and pains, he just felt _awful,_ like he was getting sick.

He kept his wings folded and held tightly against his body, taking a second to quickly rub his eyes as he watched Han and Seonghwa work on trying to start Hyunjin’s heart and get him breathing again, hoping the black spots that had been hovering in front of his eyes for the last several minutes would go away.

Felix’s brief focus on himself was quickly recentered on to Han, who suddenly gasped and collapsed onto his side, panting and sweating as if he had just run a marathon. Felix and Chan instantly moved over to check on him, Felix engaging his healing magic without thinking for what faintly felt like the hundredth time and ignoring the sizzling pain that instantly ran up his hands and arms (he hid the curling of his fingers by placing them on Han’s shoulders, despite the boy’s protests that he didn’t need help).

Chan left Felix and Han to their own devices once he confirmed Han was okay, turning around to watch Seonghwa, who was checking for Hyunjin’s heartbeat again after having completed another round of CPR.

“Did I do anything?” Han asked as Felix helped him sit up, sounding tired as he slumped against his twin (Han had avoided soul magic for a reason, it was just too tiring and draining for his taste, even though he had the potential for it).

“His magic’s been strengthened a little, but that’s it,” Seonghwa said, prepping for another round of CPR. “At this point, it’s up to him, wherever he is. If this doesn’t work, I don’t think he’ll make it.”

Jeongin buried his face in Changbin’s shoulder to hide the threat of oncoming tears, Changbin holding him tightly, looking as equally distressed, but more composed. Minho and Seungmin stood stiffly, faces set like stone and their arms crossed. Han and Felix were clinging to each other and Chan…

Chan looked lost. Defeated. Maybe a little mad.

But mostly lost.

Seonghwa didn’t sugar coat things. He’d learned the hard way that sugar coating situations often made them worse instead of better.

Chan knew this.

Knew that there had been a possibility of losing Hyunjin when he had made the risky decision to pack them up and into a van to take a road trip across the country to get help. Knew the moment that Hyunjin had thrown up blood that things were a lot worse than he wanted them to be.

Thought they were.

But the reality of actually _losing_ one of his closest friends, a _brother_ , was hammering itself deeper into his mind with each count that Seonghwa said quietly under his breath as he counted the beats to try to revive Hyunjin.

Han’s sudden scream and mad scramble to reach Hyunjin scared them all, Han grabbing Hyunjin’s hand as he reached him, clutching it tightly.

“No, no, no, NO, HYUNJIN! NOT YOUR MAGIC!”

  
  
Too many things happened at once.

Electricity suddenly shot of Seonghwa as he moved backwards from Hyunjin, looking incredibly distressed, making everyone’s hair stand up on end and Hyunjin’s body jerky unnervingly once. It disappeared as quickly as it came, but Han’s hands had begun to glow as he poured his own magic into his friend in a desperate attempt to save him. Minho and Chan had surged forward and grabbed Han, who yelled at them to back off, but they didn’t listen. Seungmin had dragged Felix to the side to avoid him getting trampled in the madness, hugging him tightly as they watched their older brothers try to detach Han from Hyunjin, both watching wide-eyed and uncertain at what had just happened.

Chan and Minho finally succeeded in getting a frantic Han off of Hyunjin, who had instantly burst into tears.

“He’s _gone_ ,” Han wailed, crying in combined embrace of Minho and Chan, the latter looking over at Seonghwa in shock to confirm it. “His magic just vanished and he’s _gone_.”

Seonghwa could only nod, Hongjoong coming up behind him to hug him as he rocked on his heels, going still in the embrace of his friend.

“I’m so sorry,” Seonghwa whispered. “He’s gone.”

~~~

Chan sat on the back porch watching the sun turning the ocean red as it set. A cold cup of coffee rested beside him along with a paper plate with some crackers, cheese, and fruit that hadn’t been touched since it had been forced into his hands a couple hours ago.

He should be inside, comforting his grieving family. Hugging them, telling them it would be alright, that they would be _okay_.

But it wasn’t okay.

It never would be okay again.

And he didn’t know how to tell them that.

Not when he couldn’t wrap his head around and accept that Hyunjin’s dead body was laying in the small funeral boat at the opposite end of the porch where Chan was sitting.

Chan turned his head when he heard the screen door squeak open as Hongjoong walked out onto the porch.

“Hey,” Hongjoong said softly, quietly walking over and sitting next to Chan.

“Hey.”

Hongjoong waited for a bit, watching the sun finally dip behind the horizon and sending the sky into twilight before he spoke up.

“Seonghwa and Yeosang think that the spell the familiar attacked Hyunjin with was one that created a magic leech that latched on and tainted his magic, causing the poison and his…death.”

Chan nodded, rubbing his fingers together as he stared out at the ocean.

Hongjoong shifted, standing up slightly to tuck a leg underneath him before sitting down fully again. “My family’s taking care of your family, so take as long as you need to orient yourself, okay? Just worry about being Chan and not the leader for right now.”

Chan smiled a little, despite his turbulent emotions. “I thought you couldn’t read minds.”

“Just yours and Seonghwa’s,” Hongjoong said, a joking tone to bleeding into his voice. “Occasionally San’s, but I generally just use my decades of strategy and tactics experience to stay two steps ahead of my mischief makers.”

Chan huffed a laugh at that, but couldn’t find it in himself to give a full laugh like he would have usually, in normal circumstances.

When he wasn’t grieving.

When his family had once been whole, unbroken.

Chan and Hongjoong stayed out on the porch for a long time, until Changbin had cautiously came out and quietly asked about the vigil. They had gathered together, Chan’s family huddling out in a tight-knit cluster on the porch in front of Hyunjin’s boat, while Hongjoong’s had settled themselves in the living room, loathe to go far from their grieving friends.

Han hadn’t stopped crying, clinging tightly to the person nearest to him. Jeongin had been crying on and off, clinging solely to Changbin, until they settled for the vigil, changing to Chan once he was near enough. Felix and Seungmin hadn’t strayed far from each other, either, both still looking shocked and uncertain (though Seungmin seemed to be doing better than Felix). Minho had remained mostly emotionless the entire time, as if he was unsure _what_ to feel, uncharactistically helpful in taking care of his brothers, despite his appearance.

One glance at the wingless fairy told Chan that Minho would most likely go on a manhunt once they got home for the familiar that had caused the death of their brother and no one was going to stop him until the thing was dead.

Not that Chan was in any way opposed to the idea of getting justice for Hyunjin.

Instinct and old habits had caused them to build a nest out of the blankets and pillows that had graciously been given to them, a distinctly empty spot being apparent in the seven-person huddle, a pillow and cushion resting on their own at the edge, waiting to be taken.

But no one had the heart to comment on it, not willing to shatter their hearts any more than they already were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from Bang Chan's "Don't Want to Acknowledge".


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys may or may not want to slap me after this chapter...

Felix sat in the darkest corner of the attic where the walls and roof met, shivering despite the heat radiating from the roof from the sun. His wings drooped behind him, tips dragging on the floor, the color in them almost faded from their usual yellow color, leaving them a light grey instead.

He felt sick. Maybe drained was a better word, Felix mused. The magic he usually possessed hadn’t replenished itself, despite the time he had spent in the sun this morning.

Right, this morning.

When they had set Hyunjin’s boat afloat in the rising sun, the sky and ocean painted in beautiful colors, as if they were oblivious of the occasion.

Felix curled further into himself, forehead resting on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs.

He blamed himself, if he was being perfectly honest. If only he had been better, stronger, better equipped, then his brothers wouldn’t be grieving. Han wouldn’t be crying, Changbin and Minho wouldn’t look like they were plotting a murder, Jeongin and Chan wouldn’t be cleaning out the van in an attempt to forget for just a minute that they were missing someone, and Seungmin wouldn’t be sitting looking lost.

Felix felt nothing and everything at the same time. Chan had taken him aside after the funeral, before Felix had had the chance to slip away and steep in his misery and grief, and told him what Hongjoong had told him about the magic leech that had caused the poisoning.

Told him it wasn’t his fault, that he shouldn’t blame himself.

But Felix hadn’t been able to accept that, the guilt creeping in like dark shadows.

Why hadn’t he been strong enough to save Hyunjin?

Eyelids drooping despite his inner turmoil, Felix shifted around until he was lying on his side in the dust and curled up again, drifting off to sleep.

Maybe when he woke up it would all have just been a horrible nightmare and he would wake up burrowed in his own bed, Hyunjin shaking him awake for breakfast that Chan and Minho had cooked that morning, giggling at the sun fairy’s grumblings about his sleep being disrupted.

~~~

Seungmin had been staring at the same page for the last several minutes, thoughts elsewhere than the subject he was reading. He sighed and closed the book, setting on the table beside him as he stood up.

“I’m going out,” he announced to the living room.

Minho looked up from where he had entangled his hands in a ball of yarn playing cat’s cradle. “Where?”

“Don’t know. Anywhere but here.”

“There’s a trail that goes up the mountain just past the end of the driveway on the right,” Yeosang said, glancing up from where he had been sorting seeds into little containers on the floor. “It’s not too rough, but it’ll get your heart going.”

Seungmin nodded, turning away from Yeosang’s sympathetic eyes and raising an eyebrow at Minho, sending a silent question that the older nodded in response to, dropping the yarn in a heap in a bag next to the chair and getting up.

Yeosang watched the duo put on their shoes and leave, only looking down once they left to see a bouquet of lilies had sprouted from the seeds in his hand. The dryad glared at it and the flowers withered and crumbled almost instantly into a small pile of dust in his hand.

Seungmin and Minho found the trail easily enough, passing a quietly conversing Chan and Jeongin sitting in the back of the open van, both looking like they had been crying. Seungmin was walking so fast he was practically jogging as they went down the driveway, Minho easily keeping up with him.

They remained silent as they found the trail and started up it, each wrestling with their own thoughts and emotions, but not wanting to discuss them quite yet. Seungmin finally slowed down when they reached the halfway point of the trail about an hour later, panting as he stopped to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry,” he said, once he caught his breath.

Minho shrugged, shading his eyes from the sun as he looked down the trail and around at the scenery. “It’s alright, I can keep up.”

Seungmin snorted, finally straightening up and joining in the sight-seeing (though they purposefully both avoided looking at the ocean for too long, fearful of what they might see slowly drifting out to the ends of the ocean). After hanging out for a few more minutes, they moved up the trail again, though at a slower pace than what they had originally been going.

“Is he…” Seungmin hesitated.

“…really gone?” Minho finished.

“Yeah.”

Minho kicked a small stone and watched it bounce into the bushes on the edge of the trail.

_Yes_ , he wanted to say. _Yes, Hyunjin’s really dead and not coming back, ever_. They both knew this, but saying it out loud would mean admitting it was real, and Minho wasn’t ready for that (and probably never would be).

Instead, he threw an arm around Seungmin’s shoulders and pulled him close, matching strides to make walking easier.

“Let’s think about that when we get to the top of this blasted mountain, okay?”

~~~

The small boat out floating in the middle of the ocean rocked gently from the waves, the shoreline barely visible to the human eye. The boat slowly began to rock harder until a figure sat up in it, groaning and rubbing his eyes. Blinking, he shaded his eyes from the setting sun and looked around in confusion.

“What the heck am I doing in the middle of the ocean?!”

Hyunjin looked around the waves, squinting as the sun glared off of the surface of the waves rocking him further way from shore. Looking back towards land, he made circles around his eyes with his hands and focused, rewarded with the sight of Hongjoong’s house resting behind the tree line.

Wait, Hongjoong’s house? Had they actually made it?

But why was he floating in the middle of the ocean?

A sinking realization hit Hyunjin as he looked around the boat, his memories returning. The echoes of joyful shouting, blacking out, the Lands Between, the old fairy that guarded the gate…

Almost unlocking the gate.

Guilt and shame flooded the elf when he thought about how he had almost left his family behind. Hyunjin had wanted to so _badly_ for a minute. Life had been exhausting and so _long_ , even if he was young by elven standards. Even with his family, his brothers, it was sometimes just all too much.

But he hadn’t stepped through the gate, so maybe they would forgive him for even thinking about it?

Wiping his eyes of the few tears that had leaked out of his eye, Hyunjin grabbed the oars that rested beside him and setting them in place, for once thankful for the funeral rites of elves. As he slowly rowed towards the shore, still weak and tired but feeling whole, he wondered what would await him when he arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my original plan had always been to keep Hyunjin alive, I just didn't know /how/ and uh, yeah, somehow ended up with a dead elf, funeral, crying characters (and readers), and a major character death tag that I can now take off XD 
> 
> But yeah, I am so sorry about the angst and drama I put you guys through the first few chapters, only for this to happen......and it's not over, not for a few more chapters. 
> 
> Oops.
> 
> That's why you plan your fics out, kids :P 
> 
> Anyways, hopefully this came across okay. I'm terrible with writing negative emotions and this is the first time I've had to deal with death related stuff outside of that one Transformers: Prime fic (thatIammostdefinetlyavoidingwritingthelastchapterofhahahawhatareyoutalkingabout), so yeah, not my forte. 
> 
> I think the next chapter will come out in a couple of days, but I'm not sure, we'll see what happens.
> 
> Have a fabulous day! :D


	7. I'm Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *three days later*
> 
> IT'S ANOTHER CHAPTER OF ANGST, GUYS
> 
> (also I forgot to title the last chapter, whoops)
> 
> This chapter's title taken from Skylar Grey's "Coming Home - Part II". 
> 
> (also note, my knowledge of sailing and the nature of boats and the ocean is very limited, so Hyunjin's little trip is probably highly inaccurate :P)

Hyunjin kept his focus on the beach that was in front of Hongjoong’s house, rowing for all he was worth against the waves. But he was unfortunately forced to take breaks here and there, still weak from his illness and little adventure in the Lands Between. It was frustrating, but the elf was determined in his quest, not willing to give up so easily.

Sweat made Hyunjin’s hair cling to his forehead and neck uncomfortably. He swiped at, pulling it out of his face as he caught his breath, taking another break, oars resting in the locks, ocean rocking him comfortably. The sun had set, leaving the small funeral boat bathed in a full moon and a starry night sky. If he didn’t have a goal (and better sailing equipment) and wasn’t worried about drifting off, Hyunjin would’ve taken more time to appreciate the view, strands of the Milky Way visible in the sky, the constellations lost among the billions of stars twinkling in the sky.

With a groan and hiss as his blistering hands grabbed the oars again, Hyunjin set off rowing again, singing an old sea shanty under his breath to help with his rhythm, glaring at the beach that was so close, yet so far.

It was the hour before dawn when he finally made it up to shore, the small boat scraping the shallow bottom and coming to a halt. Hyunjin stumbled out of the boat, collapsing in the waves after walking a few feet up onto the beach, exhausted. He closed his eyes and worked on catching his breath, content to let the waves wash over him and cool him down (even if that did mean sand was probably getting into every crevice of his clothing and skin).

He only opened his eyes again when he noticed he was starting to get tugged into the ocean by a particularly greedy wave making its way back into the ocean, mustering up the strength to raise himself to his knees to keep himself from floating away. Eventually he stood and worked his way up through the rest of the water, then the beach, until he was standing at Hongjoong’s backdoor, ready to fall asleep standing.

The house was dark, its inhabitants asleep. Hyunjin almost felt bad for knocking on the door when he found out the handle was locked, but he was cold, exhausted, and really wanted to see if everyone was okay (though he doubted that, considering where he had woken up only hours ago).

So knock he did, waiting impatiently for a response, hoping it would open before he collapsed into a heap on the porch.

~~~

Han had finally managed to stop crying, his tears dwindling to the occasional sniffle, but the box of tissues kept its permanent spot next to him (at least for the foreseeable future). He poked at his ramen miserably, only having managed to swallow a few bites, his appetite almost non-existent. Seonghwa’s cooking was fantastic, don’t get him wrong, but Han just wasn’t in the mood (and understandably so).

A quick glance around the table told him that most everyone else felt the same, though a couple others had managed to finish their bowls.

Han looked back down at his bowl and with a sigh, gave up and set his chopsticks down. Chan looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Han slightly shook his head and shrugged. Changbin, who was sitting next to him, reached over and rubbed his back comfortingly.

No one talked the rest of the meal.

No one was sure what to say.

What was there to say? What words would bring comfort?

It had only been a day, but it felt like no time and all the time had passed at the same time.

Minho and Seungmin had come in from their hike, sweaty and dusty, but looking marginally better (“Calmer,” Changbin had quietly muttered under his breath in response to Han’s softly vocalized observation from where they had been sitting in the furthest corner of the front room, curled up in the oversized and overstuffed armchair, Han trying to calm his tears with moderate success, thanks to Changbin), Minho’s previously murderous expression having smoothed into something less threatening. Han had felt envious when he saw them for a split second, wishing it was as easy for him to process the situation as it had been for them (at the very least Seungmin and Minho had looked like they were beginning to process it).

But then he had remembered what the two had gone through and shut that train of thought off. Their processing of Hyunjin’s death came from personal experiences, experiences Han had no wish of having experienced himself, so it was best to abandon those thoughts before he drowned in those feelings (though a tiny, dark part of him still wished for it). 

He could (would) process this.

It just would take time.

Something he certainly didn’t have a lack of.

Though he doubted the sting of it would go away any time soon.

Han looked around the table again as people began rising from the table, eyes resting on Felix, the sun fairy sitting at the corner of the table, Yeosang immediately next to him, Jeongin on his other side. Concern bloomed in his chest at his almost-twin’s appearance.

Felix had vanished almost immediately after the funeral to who knew where, only emerging from his hiding place when everyone was summoned for food. If Han was using himself as a scale, Felix looked the worst out of all of them, hair and clothing mussed (and oddly dusty, Han noted), wings drooping and their color faded to the point where they were nearly grey. Han had heard once, centuries ago, that when fairies were deeply grieving the color of their wings faded temporarily until the grief had lessened (a lack of magic could also be the cause, something he had heard more recently). He’d only seen one set of completely grey wings before, but that particular set had been…forcibly removed from their owner, so he didn’t count it.

As Chan passed by Han’s chair, the magic-amplifier tugged on his sleeve and forced Chan to stop.

“Has anyone checked on Felix?” Han whispered, nodding his head at the listless fairy sitting in his chair, looking blankly into his untouched ramen bowl.

“I thought Minho maybe had,” Chan whispered back, glancing at the fairy in question with a frown. “But otherwise, no. Jeongin came to me before I had a chance to.” He looked again for a longer moment, taking a better look at Felix, then sighed deeply, looking back at Han, ruffling his hair as he kept going into the kitchen with his stack of dishes. “I’ll take care of it, okay?”

Han nodded his thanks and left it at that, but was determined to check on Felix later, regardless of his own personal state.

They were a family and being a family meant they needed to deal with this together, even as they dealt with their own emotions.

~~~

Felix had hoped to escape back to his hiding spot after dinner, but he got cornered by Chan halfway up the stairs, the human stepping up behind him on the steps.

“Hey Felix,” Chan greeted softly, gently.

Patiently.

The two remained frozen on the stairs, Chan waiting for Felix to make the first move, Felix in a torn and jumbled mess of emotions.

Did Chan hate him from what happened?

(Did the others? No one had spoken at dinner, the quiet little voice in Felix’s head whispered sinisterly)

“What do you want?” Felix finally asked stiffly, still keeping his back turned to Chan.

“I wanted to check on you.”

_(See how you were doing. Do you want to talk about it? I’m here if you need me, Felix. We all are,_ the unspoken conversation went. _No matter what._ )

The stairs creaked as Chan took another step up towards Felix. Chan was patient. He would wait for Felix as long as he needed to.

For as long as Felix needed to find his answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the slightly awkward ending, but it felt like the best place to end it. Another chapter will probably come after this weekend, but I'm not sure on that, since life has been pretty busy of late. 
> 
> Hopefully I'm handling this whole grieving thing okay. It's been...difficult to try to maintain several different approaches to the grief everyone's going through (and I know I'm glossing or outright skipping out on things, but that's just how this thing has written itself, sorry), so that's why I've been lumping people into pairs to make it a bit easier. I've also had to be dealing with some of my own feelings on the subject, as I lost someone last summer (we weren't super close, but close enough that it hurt, and still does once in awhile some days), so that's been going through my mind lately as I've written this *shrugs*
> 
> I am not looking forward to the day where a not sleep deprived, fully functional me goes back to properly edit this. That's going to be fuuuuuuuuuuuuuunn to do XD
> 
> Until next update! Have a fabulous day <3


	8. The Tissue Box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this, fell asleep while writing this for a few seconds, and then didn't even read over it before I posted it. 
> 
> So.
> 
> Yeah. 
> 
> Probably not as climatic as it should be, but all well.

Jeongin watched Chan and Felix on the stairs from where he was sitting quietly on the couch. He was a little confused with what was going on with Felix, a small frown wrinkling his features. Han came and flopped across his lap with a grunt, flinging an arm over his eyes, but otherwise saying nothing.

“What’s going on with Felix?” Jeongin whispered to Han, running his hands absent-mindedly through the magic-amplifier’s hair, not taking his eyes off of the scene.

Han shrugged. “Not sure, but he’s…” Han trailed off, unsure how to word it.

“Taking this worse than the rest of us?”

“We’re all dealing with it in our own ways,” Changbin suddenly chimed in, just as quiet, lifting Han’s legs to slid onto the couch, before dropping them again over his lap after he sat.

“Yeah, but Felix is…” Jeongin trailed off, unsure how to put it. He’d never seen Felix react like this, to anyone dying, even when they had almost Han and Seungmin that one time (and they had seen plenty of death in their lifetimes). Felix looked _sick_ , physically ill, and Jeongin swore he saw the fairy swaying on his feet.

“Chan’s got it,” Han finally said, rolling onto his side, causing protest until he settled. “If anyone can get through to Felix, it’s him.”

~~~

Chan watched Felix’s grey and drooping wings, waiting while the younger thought. It hurt his heart to see their usual ray of sunshine so down, but given the circumstances…

Shaking his head, Chan cautiously took another step up on the stairs, going to the side a bit so he wasn’t completely crowding Felix. “Felix?”

Chan’s heart dropped completely when Felix turned his bowed head towards him slightly, tears shimmering in his eyes and on his checks, looking utterly and completely heartbroken.

“Oh, _Lix_.”

Something in Felix broke at the soft words and he collapsed into Chan’s waiting arms, sobs wracking his body. Chan caught him wrapped his arms around Felix, the two sinking to the stairs, Chan rocking the fairy in his arms, rubbing his back soothingly.

Minho, having watched the entire scene, silently ghosted his way up the stairs, and wedged himself between the wall and the entangled bodies of Chan and Felix, and completed the Felix sandwich by wrapping his arms as best he could around the two.

“Just let it all out, Felix,” Minho whispered comfortingly. “It’s okay, we have you.”

It was several long minutes before Felix finally calmed down enough to talk, sniffing and hiccupping. His head was still buried in Chan’s chest, but Chan could care less.

“I’m sorry,” Felix finally whispered, voice muffled. “I’m so sorry that this happened.”

Minho and Chan exchanged concerned looks over Felix’s head. Chan looked back down at the fairy huddled in his arms, still rubbing circles in his back, mindful of the wings. “Felix, what do you mean?”

“But I couldn’t save Hyunjin and because I couldn’t save him, it’s my fault he’s dead,” Felix nearly wailed, voice rising in pitch.

(In the kitchen cleaning dishes, where he definitely shouldn’t be listening, Seonghwa’s heart broke a little at the words, the misery and grief in Felix’s voice bringing tears to his own eyes)

It was dead silent on the stairs and in the living room at the confession. Seungmin had froze in the doorway as he was walking in, the faces of those on the couch covered in shock, and Chan and Minho looking overly concerned.

Felix curled further into himself as the silence dragged on, unable to go anywhere with the way he was trapped between the two eldest. He felt miserable, his grief heavy on his heart.

“Felix,” Minho began quietly, face falling when Felix flinched as he spoke, but he continued. “None of us blame you for Hyunjin’s death. No one. It wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could.”

“Yeah, if anything, I blame myself,” Chan said, doleful. “I couldn’t protect our home, you guys, and it…cost us.”

Felix raised his head a little out of its turtle position. “But…you did all you could to protect us?” The end of his sentence tilted upwards in a question.

“He did,” Minho said, looking pointedly at Chan with a look that said they would be talking later, Chan having enough dignity to looked a little sheepish. “He did his absolute best and there’s nothing more to it.”

“But that doesn’t bring Hyunjin back,” Felix said bitterly. “If I had only been strong enough…”

“Felix.” Chan moved his hands to run them through Felix’s hair. “Stop it. You did the best you could. We don’t blame you and there’s no need to blame yourself for what happened. It won’t make things any different.” Chan frowned as he noticed how hot Felix’s head felt, suddenly realizing that the younger was like a mini furnace, though it was hard to tell how much of that was from three bodies pressing together in a tight space or if…

Surely Felix hadn’t made himself sick, had he?

“Felix?”

Felix hummed, suddenly having gone quiet. “What?” 

“Did you drain your magic?”

Seungmin looked at Chan, an alarmed look entering his eyes.

Felix stiffened. “Why does it matter?”

“Felix.” A warning tone entered Chan’s voice. “When’s the last time you did a full recharge?”

Felix hesitated.

“I don’t know…maybe Nevada?”

Jeongin couldn’t stop the quiet gasp that escaped him. Nevada had been over four days ago and he knew that Felix had been using his magic in large amounts since before that, trying to help Hyunjin.

Generally speaking, the only time a fairy ever needed to do a full recharge with the base of their magic (in Felix’s case, the sun) was if large amounts of magic had been used. Simple, day-to-day magic didn’t require much, if any recharging, but large acts of focused magic did. If one did recharge adequately soon after using large amounts of magic, they would fall ill until they were able to recharge their magic properly.

No wonder Felix was the mess he currently was on top of the grief he was experiencing.

Chan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, exhaustion from the last couple of days crashing down on him. “Okay, first thing you’re doing tomorrow is taking a sunbath. No arguments,” he said, tone brokering none when Felix looked up at him and opened his mouth to protest. “I know you’re hurting, ‘Lix, we all are, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take care of yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” Felix said, looking down again in shame.

Chan rested his head on Felix’s. “It’s okay. We’ll get through this _together_ , okay?”

Felix still felt guilty, hurt, lonely. It would take time, but he would work through that. He missed Hyunjin deeply, they all did. But Chan was right. They would get through this together. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

After untangling themselves from the human ball of yarn they’d made on the stairs, Minho and Chan helped Felix get around and ready for bed, Han, Seungmin, and Jeongin joining Felix in a puppy pile on the largest guest bed Seonghwa and Hongjoong had set up in one of the upstairs bedrooms once he was settled.

A few more tears might have been shed, but no one commented on it (Minho happily noted to Chan later that Felix’s wings had turned back to a very translucent yellow, a far cry from their usual bright yellow, but it was a victory all the same). The four fell asleep quickly and soundly for the first time in weeks, content in each other’s presence, despite the missing hole. Minho dragged Chan down to the living room, where Changbin had remained, dragged Hongjoong into the conversation later when Chan went leader mode trying to avoid the conversation, and eventually another box of tissues was procured as several pairs of eyes leaked tears.

Eventually they all went to bed, exhausted from the spent emotions. If Chan was being honest, he thought as he slowly went up the stairs like an old man, he didn’t know how in the world they were going to be able to get past this. They really probably wouldn’t, if he was being honest about that, too.

But right now, he needed to sleep and it looked like his curse was talking the night off to let him rest.

~~~

Yeosang suddenly sat up, wide awake from his sleep. A look at the alarm clock on his nightstand showed him it was an hour no sane human or magic being would be up at. He ran his hands through his hair, yawned, and rubbed his eyes, laying back down, figuring it was just some weird prank his body had decided to play on itself.

Right as he fell asleep, he heard the noise again, this time clearer.

_Knocking_ , his sleep-addled brain supplied helpfully. With a grumble, he sat up again and threw the covers off, grabbing the flashlight on his nightstand and switching it on. Padding down the hall and the stairs, he was greeted with another knock.

_Back door_.

Throwing back the deadbolt, Yeosang opened the back door, revealing the last person he was expecting to be standing on the porch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 98% sure that I fell asleep writing this for a few seconds, because I started dreaming about something pretty much right away involving cars (idk, as my imagination) and when I opened my eyes, this was the sentence I had typed:
> 
> "Briefly, he wondered if he could go get a bar dealer and see what this person..."
> 
> ....
> 
> What.
> 
> Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this installment. We are nearing the end of this journey! Finally figured this thing will probably wrap up at 12 chapters. 
> 
> Thank you for reading up to this point! It means a lot to me :) 
> 
> Have a fabulous day! <3


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